I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
