too bad you live with your parents still
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
