Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize