3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
