barbara walters just said penis...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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