It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
