I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
