"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
so much tequila, so little girl.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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