he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
