I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize