I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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