There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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