The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
