And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
