By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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