somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
