I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize