plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
