i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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