I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
