All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
