Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
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