I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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