The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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