do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
