pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
