Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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