Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
