Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
