Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
