he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
