hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
