Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize