its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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