After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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