so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
