This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
