I could make wine with my vomit
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
