My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
