First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize