I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize