How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
