Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
