We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the condom got lost in my hair
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
