i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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