..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize