just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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