im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
