I need to stop coming to work sober
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize