im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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