got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have fence marks all over my body
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
