so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
