You smell like stripper and shame
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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