She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
