I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
