I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
