I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
