mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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