Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
