clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
