I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
