chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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