So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
