cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
