Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize