i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
